When You're Gone
by Bibi-Hibiki
Summary: After a fight they both seem lost without the other. Warning: Slash. Rated T for language.


A/N: This Is My First Song Fic AND My First Criminal Minds Fic So Please Be Nice. I Love This Song And One Day I Was Like "This Would Be A Good Criminal Minds Fic". So Here We Are. Please R&R And Tell Me What You Think.

Warning: SLASH!!! Don't Like Don't Read.

Summary: After a fight they both feel lost without the other.

_**

* * *

I always needed time on my own  
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry**_

"Get out! Just get out!" Hotch yelled, pointing at the front door. They had just had another fight but this one seemed to be the biggest one so far and, according to Hotch, they're last. Spencer just stood there in shock. Was he serious? Please don't let him be serious.

"Wha?" Spencer whispered, however, loud enough for Hotch to hear.

"Y-you heard me. Just get out Reid." Hotch spoke in a quieter tone. Spencer winced at this. He was only Reid at work, always Spencer at home. Spencer looked down at his feet.

"Aaron-"

"No, Reid, just go." Spencer stood there. "Now!" Hotch said, raising his voice a little. Reid jumped at the sudden loudness of his voice, grabbed his go-bag they always left by the front door, and walked out of the house, slamming the door behind him. Hotch collapsed down onto the couch and when he heard a car start up and drive away, he let the tears he's been holding in fall fast from his eyes.

_**And the days feel like years when I'm alone  
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side**_

What seemed like days after their fight was only a few hours. Hotch laid in bed that night but sleep was an unfathomable thing. He turned over and stared where the young doctor should've been lying. He reached his hand out and ran it down the blanket, wishing he hadn't been so stupid and made him leave.__

_**When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now**_

__The next day at work was hell. Spencer stood there by the coffee machine, getting his morning cup when Hotch walked into the room. They were the only ones in there but they wished they weren't.

"Hey." Spencer spoke quietly.

"Hi." Hotch replied, neither one looking at the other. Hotch grabbed a cup of coffee and they stood there in awkward silence, stirring their cups.

"Well, see ya." Hotch said and walked out of the room. Spencer watched him walk away and sighed to himself, trying his hardest not to let the tears fall. Couldn't Hotch see how much pain he was in?

_**When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you**_

Spencer sat in the bathroom stall and pulled out the makeshift kit he hadn't used in almost a year. He sighed and grabbed the needle and filled it with the Dilaudid. He was about to insert it into his arms when Hotch's voice played in Spencer's head.

"_Please, Spencer. I know you're stronger than this, you can fight the urge and beat it."_ The same thing played over and over again like a broken record in Spencer's head. Spencer bit his bottom lip and threw the needle against the wall. He pulled his knees up to his chest and sobbed harder than he ever had in his life.

"I miss you, Aaron. I'm not whole without you." Spencer whispered into his knees.

_**I've never felt this way before  
Everything that I do reminds me of you  
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor  
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do**_

Hotch decided he needed to do laundry, anything to keep himself busy. If he wasn't busy then he'd starting thinking of how much of an ass he was. He then decided against it because it just reminded him of how Spencer would always do the laundry, cook, clean, sit curled up on the sofa while reading a book; Everything reminded him of Spencer. Hotch shook his head, trying to clear his mind of Spencer. However, he deemed it a lost cause. He walked into his bedroom and noticed a sweater lying on the floor next to the bed. He picked it up and realized it wasn't his. It was Spencer's. He stared at it and ran his fingers across the wool-like material. He hugged it close to him and realized it smelled like Spencer. Hotch couldn't bring himself to get rid of it so he folded it neatly and placed on the side of the bed Spencer used to sleep on.

_**When you walk away I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now**_

Everyone was crowed in the conference room being briefed on a new case. Once the meeting was over and everyone was getting ready to leave, Hotch pulled Spencer aside.

"Are you ok? You seem pale. Well, more pale than usual." Hotch whispered.

"Like you care" Spencer spat back in a hushed tone. Everyone filed out of the room, leaving Spencer and Hotch alone.

"Seriously, Reid. Is everything alright?"

"What the _fuck_ do you think, Hotch? Let's see you started a fight that was based on a lie, you kicked me out of _our_ home, and, now tell me if this is silly for being upset over, you broke my fucking heart. Now tell me, do you think I'm alright?" Spencer tried his hardest to speak in a low tone as he spat the words to Hotch. Hotch looked at him with pain and guilt in his eyes.

"Reid, I-"

"Oh, and that's another thing. If you honestly cared how I was feeling right now, you'd be calling me _Spencer_ not Reid."

"Spence-"

"No, Hotch. Just no." Spencer shook his head and walked out of the room, down the hall towards the elevators. Hotch just stared at the space Spencer had been occupying only moments ago. Had he broken Spencer so much that he was beyond repair?

_**When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you**_

Hotch sat alone in the living room they used to share. He glanced over at the end table and saw a picture of the two of them. He picked the picture and let tears fall from his eyes, splashing against the glass frame. They used to be so happy together. Now, he fucked it all up. And over what? He had heard some whispering from some agents that they had spotted Reid out in various places with someone and they had seemed awfully close. Hotch got defensive and had jumped to the conclusions that Spencer was cheating so he confronted him about it. Spencer denied, of course. This had led to a huge blowout on trust and the fact that they have been dating and living together for two years and the team had not known a thing about them. They wouldn't care and Spencer had almost told Garcia at one point but Hotch kept saying how they needed to remain a secret "for the time being" because he was afraid Strauss would find out and finally have a reason to break the team up. Hotch dropped the picture and it shattered against the hardwood floor. He let his head fall into his hands and he began to sob.

"I miss you, Spencer."

_**We were made for each other  
Out here forever  
I know we were, yeah  
All I ever wanted was for you to know  
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul  
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah**_

Spencer had begun using again. He needed to dull the pain he felt every time he looked at Hotch or anything that reminded him of a once happy life. He was getting thinner and more pale than was healthy but whenever someone confronted him about it he would just say he was feeling a little sick, probably a cold. But Hotch knew better. He recognized the signs and knew he had been using. He wanted to comfort Spencer, tell him everything would be alright, but he knew he couldn't. It was too late and the damage was done.

When Spencer hadn't shown up for work one day Hotch grew worried. Spencer has never missed a day of work, or even school, in his life. He had awards for perfect attendance since pre-school, Hotch had seen them and teased Spencer about them.

"Where's Reid?" Everyone seemed to be asking, however, everyone just replied that they didn't know and shrugged it off. He had been saying that he's been sick, maybe he was finally taking a sick day.

"Can they really not see?" Hotch asked himself as he pulled out his cell phone while in his office. He dialed the number he knew by heart and waited for someone to answer. No one did. Now his worry grew about a thousand times more. He grabbed his car keys off his desk and practically ran down the hall towards the stairs, coming to the conclusion the elevator would take to long, and ignoring the calls and looks he received as he went by the rest of his team.

_**When you're gone  
The pieces of my heart are missing you  
When you're gone  
The face I came to know is missing too  
When you're gone  
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok  
I miss you**_

Hotch and arrived at the apartment he hasn't seen since Spencer moved in with him. Why he was still paying for it was a thought for another time has Hotch parked and flew out of his car and into the apartment building, once again taking the stairs. He reached Spencer floor and ran down the hallway to his door. He knocked but no one answered. He put his ear to the door and listened, hoping to hear something, anything indicating that Spencer was alive and in there. When he heard nothing he took out the spare key Spencer had given him. Hotch opened the door and saw that the place looked like it hadn't been cleaned in a while. Books were everywhere, there were some take out cartons on the floor, and the tv was on but no one was watching it. He glanced around for a split second and ran down the short hallway towards the bedroom and bathroom. The bedroom door was open but the bathroom was shut. He knocked on the door.

"Re-Spencer? Are you in there?" Hotch waited for a reply but when he didn't receive one he placed his hand on the knob and tried to turn it, realizing it was locked. Hotch began banging on the door again. "Spencer, I know you're in there, just please come out." No reply again so Hotch did the only thing he could think of. He broke down the door. The door, now opened, revealed Spencer lying on the ground, rubber band still tied around his arm, motionless. Hotch rushed to his side and felt for a pulse. He felt one but it was very weak. He pulled out his cell phone and dialed 911.

"911 what's your emergency?"

"This is SSA Hotchner and I have Dr. Reid here and I think he has overdosed."

"Ok, I need your location." Hotch gave the operator their location and awaited the ambulance.

"Spencer, please. You need to come out of this. I'm sorry for everything I've done and I will never have doubt with you ever again. I'll tell the team about us. Hell, I'll tell Strauss to her face about us if it means you'll pull through and be ok." Hotch held Spencer in his arms and tried to even out his own breaths.

The ambulance arrived in record time and whisked Spencer away. They let Hotch ride in the back of the ambulance to the hospital but he was separated from Spencer so the doctors could rush him into a room and save him. Hotch let the tears fall from his face as he stepped outside and pulled his cell phone out. He didn't know who to call first but since they were all together it didn't matter. He dialed the first number that came to mind. Well, second, the first one had been Spencer's.

"You have reached the almighty goddess of awesomeness. Speak and have your wish granted." Garcia's playful voice came on the other side of the call.

"Gar-Garica. It's Hotch."

"Hotch? Sir, is everything ok? I heard you ran out of the office and-" Hotch cut her off.

"No, everything's not ok. Spencer's in the hospital…I think he overdosed. I found him in his apartment." Hotch bit back the tears so he could speak clearly into the phone. However, it wasn't as easy for Garcia.

"Wha? Oh my god!" You could hear the tears fall from her eyes. "I'll let the team know right away. Which," She cleared her throat. "Which hospital, sir?"

"Saving Grace Hospital." Hotch said as he hung up the phone. He didn't know what else to say. He slid the phone back into his pocket and walked inside the waiting room, awaiting the arrival of the rest of his team.

* * *

The tension was so thick you could cut it with a knife. JJ and Prentiss were hugging each other and Morgan had a sobbing Garcia in his arms. Rossi was looking out the window, he wasn't crying but you could see the worry on his face. Hotch had been pacing back and forth for a good hour, waiting to hear to news on the young boy genius. When he heard his name being called he looked up at one of the nurses who had taken Spencer away from him.

"How is he?" Hotch asked quietly.

"We were able to flush most of the drugs out of his system and stabilize him. He's resting now but you should be able to go in and see him. He's very lucky you found him when you did. Any longer and he would've died." The nurse said and walked away. Hotch walked as fast as he could with the rest of his team at his heels and into Spencer's room. Hotch immediately walked over to the side of the bed and laced their fingers together.

"Spence?" Hotch whispered, ignoring the looks the rest of his team was giving him for holding his hand and calling him by his first name. Spencer's eyes fluttered open.

"Hey." Spencer spoke weakly. He glanced around the room the best he could and noticed the whole team was there. Even better, he realized Hotch was holding his hand. "What happened?"

"You," Hotch cleared his throat. "Overdosed." The room was quiet as that last word hung in the air, making everyone uncomfortable. Spencer let a tear fall from his eye as he looked away.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron. I didn't mean for this to happen." It was Spencer's turn to receive the weird looks from the team. No one at work called Hotch Aaron.

"Spence, it's my fault. I started the fight and everything went downhill from there. I'm so, so sorry and I promise I will never have any doubt again." Spencer smiled the best he could at Hotch's words. They stared at each other for a moment before Rossi cleared his throat.

"Is there something you two wish to tell us?" Rossi asked in a questioning tone. Spencer blushed and Hotch looked at the rest of the team.

"Everyone, Spencer and I have been dating for about two years now. He had wanted to tell you guys but I had made he keep it a secret." Spencer stared up at Hotch with pure love in his eyes as Hotch looked down at his feet, not wanting to see the looks of disgust and rejection on his team's faces.

"Well, it's about damn time." Garcia spoke after a few moments of silence. She was still wrapped up in Morgan's arms and wore her signature Garcia smile on her face. "Do you know how long we've been waiting for you two to tell us?" Spencer and Hotch exchanged quick questioning glances then looked at the team.

"You knew?" Spencer asked.

"Duh." Prentiss said.

"It's been pretty obvious." Morgan said as everyone else nodded in agreement. Spencer smiled the best he could and Hotch breathed a sigh of relief.

"I'm glad you guys are ok with it." They all smiled at each other. Everyone else crowed around Spencer's bed. They talked a bit and wished Spencer well and they all left for the night. Well, everyone except for Hotch. He stayed by Spencer's side all night, keeping Spencer focused on anything but the withdraw they both knew he'd be feeling soon.

* * *

A few days later Spencer was released from the hospital and able to go home. Not the apartment that he still paid for even though he didn't have to, but _their_ home. The one he shared with Hotch. They sat in comfortable silence on the drive home, listening to the radio, when Spencer broke the silence.

"Aaron?"

"Hmm?"

"Did you mean everything you said? That you were sorry for everything and that you would never have any doubt ever again?" Hotch couldn't help but smile slightly at his question.

"You heard me huh?" Spencer nodded. "Of course I did." He grabbed Spencer's hand with his free one. "I love you." Spencer smiled.

"I love you too." They sat in silence, listening to the radio, when a certain song came on.

"_I always needed time on my own…"_ Spencer turned the radio off and leaned his head against the window, happy to finally have everything ok and be with the one and only person he loves.

**

* * *

**A/N: Thank You For Reading! I Really Hope You Enjoyed It As Much As I Enjoyed Writing It. I Really Like How This Turned Out And I Would Love To Hear What You Guys Think!

~Bibi


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